I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's official drugs can't kill me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
