We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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