Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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