I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
