I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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