Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
