I just made out with a guy for $7.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
