At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
