Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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