mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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