the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize