hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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