Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
