Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
