hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
