Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
