i need an iv and a liver transplant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
