found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
