Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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