Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
