I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
