just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
