GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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