Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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