You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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