those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize