You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
