I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
