the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
