I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
