so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize