apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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