I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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