i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
