Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
