sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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