Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
