Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
