Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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