So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
