Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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