i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
