How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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