Swine flu. Run for my life!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize