Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
