some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
