I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
