mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are we still banned from the library?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize