So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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