it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
