I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
