Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
