Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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