My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
