One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
