well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize