I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
