were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
