I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
