thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
