I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
