Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
