too bad you live with your parents still
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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