If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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