This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
