I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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