I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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