Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
