i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
