Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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