I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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