I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
