She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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