nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
