just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
