I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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