she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
