i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
