i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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