you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize