I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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