Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
