If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
