Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
