So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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