I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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