I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
