I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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