just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
