Can Purell be used as lube?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
