I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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