somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
