My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
