So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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